Making it Work as a Working Mom

I’m pretty excited because Working Mother Magazine included me in their October issue! It’s a fantastic magazine for those of us who have kids and work full-time, or those who are preparing for that stage in life. It gives practical advice, interviews with moms who are making it work with children and a career outside the home, and fun reads. My feature was on how to keep friends and social life going while working as a mom. I’ve always made social life a high priority, and though it’s changed in some ways since Fox was born, I still see my dearest friends and co-workers on the regular.

I definitely don’t have a handle on being a working mom completely, and probably never will. Mom guilt is a real thing, and it’s brutal. However, here are the few things I’ve learned along the way this year:

Go back to work when it’s right for YOU. I understand many women don’t have a choice about how soon they return to work after baby, and it’s a harsh reality for a vast majority. It isn’t fair or right, but bills don’t wait for a woman’s mind and body to heal after baby. I returned to work five weeks postpartum, and it was the right choice for me. Some people exhibited a little shock about how soon I went back, but I was ready to be back into a normal rhythm in at least one area of my life. If taking the next year or two off feels right to you and your family can afford it, do it! It’s not worth adding to your stress worrying what anyone will think about how soon or how long it takes you to return to work.
Take up trusted friends and family on their offers to babysit . There will be days when you have to work late, attend an event, or just need a moment to yourself. Don’t feel like you are burdening those who offered…they offered! Treat them with a lunch or dinner to show your appreciation, especially if they jump in to help more than once or twice.
Learn to say NO. I struggle with this daily. I want to attend ALL the events, ALL the charity functions, ALL the meetings, ALL the church activities. But I can’t, and you can’t, either. People will typically understand if you take some time off the first few years from all the extra obligations. I chaired, volunteered, or was on the host committee or board for five different non-profits this year, which was TOO much to take on in retrospect. It stressed me out at times and made me feel guilt spending time away from Fox. I have vowed next year to keep it to two organizations I care deeply about, and the rest will have to wait until I find myself in a place I can handle giving more of myself….which is likely many years down the road.
Having a career-oriented Mom made me want to be more like her. Here’s my personal opinion on being a working parent-the time you spend with your children needs to be loving, quality time that is focused on THEM. Your time away can be spent on your work and other priorities, but when possible, fiercely protect your one on one time with them. My Mom did this, and her working outside the home never made me feel neglected or ignored. She zeroed in on us every moment we were together with her attention and love. When she spoke at our career day when I was in 4th grade, I was so proud! I knew I wanted to be successful like her one day.

None of this is groundbreaking info, but hopefully just a good reminder if you’re struggling with balancing work and family that it’s okay to not do it all. A new friend just told me that if all you get done in a day is keep yourself and your kids fed and to bed, that’s enough of an accomplishment. I agree! Some days you can’t do it all, and it’s fine. There are plenty of chances to make each day new.